Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Mister AssWipe - We Need Help!

We have here the mister of all misters: Mister AssWipe! Mister AssWipe was born in a family which owns 3 hectares of raw maggot-filled, 300 year-old human feces with a strong smell of slphur and urine, under it hiding the greatest collection of untouched, unaltered anuses, dating back 1200 years ago, after The Great Anus Cutting For God had ended. Mister AssWipe is currently the owner of this gold mine, which is probably THE Gold Mine. AssWipe currently lives in the islands of FingerMe, owning a rather modest house in which he lives alone, or so was thought. One month ago Mister AssWipe was seen carrying one dead fetus towards his home. Our visual witness tells us that "he was looking quite eager to get home with it. He had an unusual shine in his eyes while he was looking at the fetus and while smelling it. At one point i saw him putting a finger in the anus of the dead fetus and he seemed to have had an orgasm, but at that point I thought that it was just my imagination". For about 3 days, "AssWipe didn't leave his home", one of his neighbours said, "and then, suddenly we saw him rushing out his front door, running towards somewhere". Another visual witness tells us that "he just ran in the garbage yard, empty handed, and came out quickly carrying some sort of cotton sack". Neighbours report seeing him getting in his home with the sack and soon after hearing him moaning of pleasure, an out of this world moan, the greatest moan that they had ever heard. This moaning kept going on for a couple of days, until one night he was spotted sitting on his outside stairs, quiet and naked. His body was bloody and covered in fecals. He shouted "No more shit!" and ran as if he was running for his life. He was never seen again after that night. Police investigated his house and were shocked at the sight: a picture of a dead fetus being chopped off and prepared for a some kind of soup, a dead baby, terribly disfigured, swollen, bloody, with its rectum sticking out of his enlarged anus, with its eyesockets empty and filled with sperm, with its bellybutton cut open, his insides being smugged with fecals and sperm and also with its head half eaten. Police are still looking for AssWipe for his act of cannibalism and disrespect for the dead, acts punished by death in FingerMe. Here is a police sketch of AssWipe (SKETCH). If you see him, please report to your local police department. Thank you!

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