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The female rules

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2.THE RULES are subject to change without
notice.
3. No Male can possible know all THE
RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE
RULES, she must immediately change some of THE
RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said
wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize
immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8.The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the
express written consent of The Female.
10.The Female has every right to be angry or upset at
any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at
all times, unless the Female wants him to be
angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no
circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be
angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to
read the mind of the Female at all times.
14.At all times, what is important is what the Female
meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn’t abide by THE RULES, it is because he can’t take
the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and
void and the Male must cater to her every
whim.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is
right, he must refer to Rule #5.

Author: Unknown

Happy New Year, Steve!

It's New Year's Eve! But where is Steve? Steve's at the doctor fixing his tulip ass... nobody wants to start a new year with a tulip ass... Doctors push and push and fist Steve's ass, but in vain... Steve just cums and cums on their silky face. Free lube for the gynegologist! No wonder the population number exploded with 80% stupidity rate. Steve just loves 1 Man 1 Jar; he tried that with a jar of pickles! When it exploded his whole rectum got filled with vinegar! Clean ass! Steve just loves having a clean ass :) and oh, how he loved the pickles suffocating in his ass! He pushed them one by one along with the broken glass which cut his inner ass, but he's okay! The vinegar dissinfected everything! No hard feelings.. just a hard penis cumming blood on his surprised and pleasureful face..
The doctors decide to sew his anus and connect his large intestine to his urethra. Shit through the dick! What more could Steve want? No more dildos for his peehole! Natural pleasure from now on!
Steve happily walks out of the clinic and heads out shopping for the big party he'll have with himself. Well ain't that Grinchy?
First step: the pet cemetary! Steve just loves having sex with decomposing cat bodies after he pisses and shits in their whole body.
Second step: the pharmacy! More needles for his penis! More! More! It's like rubbing the clitoris with glass paper for him! Mhhhh!
Third step: the sperm bank! Self-bukake for Steve! The greatest New Year's present he could ever get! And he just loves sticking test-tubes full of sperm in his pee-hole and butt-hole!
Fourth step: public toilet! There's nothing like the annual ritualistic bath in the privacy of a public toilet!
And finally, the fifth step: the stable! His ass can't wait to feel the grandeur of the horse's penis in his whole body, almost ripping his insides. That's just heavenly!

Steve's having the time of his life!!! Happy New Year, Steve! We wish you to have this much fun and pleasure every single day of 2011!

Curse of Blestem - Children's Poem - RECOMMENDED BY ASS CREAM!

Every night before I sleep

I take good care and brush my teeth,

I wash my face, I wash my hands

I take my hands, go down my pants,

I lock the door, turn on the porn,

Inside my ass I shove some corn.



"Shake that ass! Just shake that ass!"

I start to sing and shake my ass.

"Oh, yeah! Fuck my ass!", the TV yells

While I rub my anus and my shlong,

While on the bed, I take a dump.

"Fuck that shit! Just fuck that shit!",

My mind tells me, should I fuck shit?

"Whatever!", I say and, "OH! SO WARM!".

The stench of shit goes through my system

The touch of corn makes me F1-driven.

"Cum on my face!", the TV yells.

And I cum on the moist shit,

I spread the cum on the shit,

I touch my creation,

I lick my creation,

I eat my creation

'Cause I'm a good boy.

Mommy loves me.

Daddy loves me.

Mommy fucks me.

Daddy fucks me.

I love my parents, oh, so much!

I love to fuck my dad so much!

I love to fuck my mom so much!

I love dad's dick in my tight ass!

I love my dick in mom's tight ass!



When I grow up, I wanna be an astronaut!

To sail the universe in search of butt!

MY ANUS IS BLEEDING

Why so blue? Have you the flu? Take off your pants and show us your oversized clit... That would make you feel better when you feel bad for not sucking the puss from the dick too well. Grab that collapsed ass of yours and take it here, take it quick, we need just a piece of it in our placenta stew. More dry feces for more taste! How does it feel to be double-fisted anally when using sandpaper as lube? Take everything up your ass, use it as a purse. MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

Mister AssWipe - We Need Help!

We have here the mister of all misters: Mister AssWipe! Mister AssWipe was born in a family which owns 3 hectares of raw maggot-filled, 300 year-old human feces with a strong smell of slphur and urine, under it hiding the greatest collection of untouched, unaltered anuses, dating back 1200 years ago, after The Great Anus Cutting For God had ended. Mister AssWipe is currently the owner of this gold mine, which is probably THE Gold Mine. AssWipe currently lives in the islands of FingerMe, owning a rather modest house in which he lives alone, or so was thought. One month ago Mister AssWipe was seen carrying one dead fetus towards his home. Our visual witness tells us that "he was looking quite eager to get home with it. He had an unusual shine in his eyes while he was looking at the fetus and while smelling it. At one point i saw him putting a finger in the anus of the dead fetus and he seemed to have had an orgasm, but at that point I thought that it was just my imagination". For about 3 days, "AssWipe didn't leave his home", one of his neighbours said, "and then, suddenly we saw him rushing out his front door, running towards somewhere". Another visual witness tells us that "he just ran in the garbage yard, empty handed, and came out quickly carrying some sort of cotton sack". Neighbours report seeing him getting in his home with the sack and soon after hearing him moaning of pleasure, an out of this world moan, the greatest moan that they had ever heard. This moaning kept going on for a couple of days, until one night he was spotted sitting on his outside stairs, quiet and naked. His body was bloody and covered in fecals. He shouted "No more shit!" and ran as if he was running for his life. He was never seen again after that night. Police investigated his house and were shocked at the sight: a picture of a dead fetus being chopped off and prepared for a some kind of soup, a dead baby, terribly disfigured, swollen, bloody, with its rectum sticking out of his enlarged anus, with its eyesockets empty and filled with sperm, with its bellybutton cut open, his insides being smugged with fecals and sperm and also with its head half eaten. Police are still looking for AssWipe for his act of cannibalism and disrespect for the dead, acts punished by death in FingerMe. Here is a police sketch of AssWipe (SKETCH). If you see him, please report to your local police department. Thank you!

Creamy Conversations - Penis

Genesis of MAN

...in the beginning there was only Poo and Pee... and the almighty Poo was what we now know as Earth, and the almighty Pee was what we now know as water... One day, after Poo and Pee had their hourly bondage sex, they decided, in a moment of boredom, that they need something stupid, something to make fun of... that's when MAN got created. Poo and Pee sacrificed equal parts of their own masses, got everything in a toilet filled with holy vomit and started blending while chanting the life-giving chant:
"Holy Shit and Holy Pee
blend together, blend together.
Holy Crap and Holy Wee
blend in puss and suck the vomit!
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!"
The Universe started to tremble and all of the sudden the biggest fart of all farts came out of the toilet, the fart of the Big Bang, the fart of the CREATION! With the almighty fart came MAN, chewing on a piece of hardened shit and snorting fermented piss running out of his nose. With skin so brown and shit-textured, with pieces of corn sticking out, with breath of boiled diarrhea, with piss instead of sweat and a hard stench of sulphur man started running and fell in a worm hole which propelled him in front of this computer...

Teh storreeh of all storeehs

...when all hope vanishes, drink your father's pee and lick his pee-hole...
They say that a long, long time ago... about 3 days ago... there was this pretty little drop of urine, the prettiest drop of urine of all the little drops of urine. And this pretty drop of urine was dangling from the urethra, not wanting to leave his home, not wanting to fall in the toilet of doom, the toilet full of evil diarrhea just waiting to rehidrate itself with the pretty little drop of urine. And so, the man started whipping his piece of manly meat, trying to throw the helpless drop of urine into the toilet of doom, desperatly wanting to flush it along with the smelly diarrhea, so smelly that once the vapour of poop touches the nose, blood starts pouring out of the nose, almost asphyxiating the desperate dude. While whipping his penis, the drop of urine lets itself go and jumps on the nearby toothbrush which is waiting to be used by the man. Unknowingly, the man flushes the screaming diarrhea and happily whistling prepares himself for the annual teeth brushing. The pretty little drop of urine runs through the fine, thick hairs of the brush, feeling each one caressing it, hugging it and kissing it, as the forest does to the wind. The man picks up the toothbrush, puts on some toothpaste and smiles to the mirror, showing his golden-black teeth. Immediately he notices a piece of meat sticking out of his teeth and runs after a toothpick screaming "FOOOOD!"... After having his breakfast, the man returns to the toothbrush wich fell on the toilet seat, picks it up and starts brushing his teeth. The drop of urine finds this as an opportunity to return home to its comfortable bladder. It starts running on the man's tongue, leaving him with a pale bittersweet taste, making him horny. The man's penis gets hard and while brushing his teeth he starts stroking it. The pretty little drop of urine ultimately finds its way towards its jelly, gooey home, the holly bladder! At this point, the man ejaculates on the mirror, straight on his face's reflection. He licks it, gurgles and swallows it. His teeth are now clean for another whole year...

Curse of blestem - The best song in the world - RECOMMENDED BY ASS CREAM!